Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
