he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
