best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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