I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
