We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
