allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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