hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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