Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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