She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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