??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
