That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
