He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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