Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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