addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
