So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
