Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
His nipple licking is glorious
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