Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
