we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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