Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize