Buhtt sex?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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