I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
