the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
