i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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