I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
