pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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