I think I am morally bankrupt
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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