At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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