We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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