Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
