She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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