I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
