I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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