Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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