Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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