have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
