I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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