You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
