If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
