Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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