Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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