Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
