i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
