My brain says no but my pants say off.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
