My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
