dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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