i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Can you bring me the toilet please
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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