Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
