her vagine was all disorganized.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
