mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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