A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Shame - the story of my life.
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