dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
