i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
