I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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