Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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