Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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