I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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