Heybabeimwearingurpanties
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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