i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Boobs are out for the taking
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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