I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
