At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
