Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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