dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A bitchslap is in order.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
