NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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