Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize