hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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