The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
