You really coming over, don't trick.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
