they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
